the cost of great gain

A month ago today (Christmas Eve) I was with my wonderful family. Christina drove in from Oklahoma City and we all went to the Christmas Eve service at my parents church, together. It was great. Now that I'm back in Lesotho, gajillions of miles away, I cherish that moment even more.

I struggled a lot when I first got here, missing friends and family and places and possibilities. For a second I even felt like I should either move back to America, or never visit again because going back and forth turned out to be pretty hard. I am so happy here in Lesotho that I wasn't expecting how much I loved being in the States, or how hard it'd be to adjust to coming back; I literally felt like I was grieving some great loss. But praise God, over the past few days, through some tears and talks, my perspective has been righted and my joy restored. I realized that what felt like grieving was actually re-counting the cost of following Jesus in his request that I move to Lesotho to serve.

I was convicted when I read Luke 9:57-62 the other morning, but thankful for the clarity it brought. Jesus reminded me that comfort, personal culture, family, my timing, my terms, and double-mindedness or uncertainty are not the values or concessions of live in service to the King. "If anyone would come after me he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23). Deny? Take up a cross? YUCK! What did I sign up for?? How could I leave my family, friends and all I had/have in America?? For what gain???

Oh wait, what's that, Jesus? To gain what?

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" (Luke 9:25) "I tell you the truth," Jesus said, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers of parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life." (Luke 18:29-30)

Life! That's the gain. "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) in this age, and eternity with God in heavenly bliss in the age to come. That's a pretty great (glorious?) promise! I'm holding you to it, Jesus :) Hallelujah he is faithful, always standing behind his word to make sure it's fulfilled.

It's not easy to be obedient, but it's worth it. Even more importantly, HE IS WORTHY. The rewards aren't always quantifiable in human terms, but the reason for taking up my cross daily to follow Christ always remains the same, and I love him so much.

Psalm 63